when the tide turns.

hope. i have not had much of this concerning certain areas. i was stuck in pain and everyone around me looking only saw a facade or got sick of looking. i've been suffering my whole life, waiting for someone to tell me i'm not crazy, that this isnt just an overdramatization of reality. i almost gave up on hope altogether. my final strand was rolled away in my last tear..but with that, came new hope. the hope that i am not crazy, someone else is standing up for me too. and as i looked around i began to see more people standing, hoping with me. it was/is a tremendous feeling after walking thru this desert for so long. this post even may seem too dramatic, if you learned what in fact i am talking about. But it's not to me. it is a constant reality that i dont have to face alone. it gives me a shove to walk forward. this..is just the beginning.

if i cant..

here's where my love crashed on the waves. rocked by the ocean. it spun into a hurricane causing confusion and panic to all around. before awkwardly settling into a single question. a question unable to be answered until the very moment the skies cleared. it seems ironic that once answered it started to rain. the tumulous current pulling me back under. i was dragged along the fixed coral which was unmoving, staring at the raw scene. right when i thought my lungs would burst from the pain rising in my chest my head cleared the surface. unable to locate familiar landmarks i looked up at the sky and saw crystal blue. it was almost as if i was upsidedown and the ocean was above me while i was in the clouds. the sight was intoxicating, wondering what reality was. curious as to what would befall if the sky and ocean started to converge. if i cant swim to the shore i might not survive, but who wants to sit casually on the shore, watching all of the waves play tauntingly with the rocks, all the wonders underneath surface waiting to be discovered..this is right where i'm supposed to be.

please..

i wrote this a year ago and went back to read it just now. God definitely showed me amazing things during that time..and i needed to be reminded. Take a look..

sometimes i wish i didn't care for people as much as i do. it would be alot easier and call for alot less crying. lol but seriously this week i hear all these stories of broken people and it breaks my heart to hear. it encourages me to pray for those in and around me. you never know someone's story. i still go back to when i was blessed to be a small part of columbinus (the show) at Collin College. that has touched my life in a way that nothing else has. God really spoke to me through that experience. i would cry every night during the last scene. i would say to myself.."what if 1 person would have stepped out of their comfort zone and for a moment cared enough to reach out to those 2 boys? in a genuine, sincere, tangible way. would that have made a difference?" and obviously we can't live our lives in the past and what if's..but to live in the moment. to notice people. to slow down long enough to see what's going on around you. you could make a difference. you might never know you did. or maybe you will..i dunno. the sad thing is we are so focused on ME and MY PROBLEMS that we dont look around. we dont slow down. especially as americans we are always going. now i'm not even saying to give up things that you are doing now (unless you need to). I'm saying its a mind switch. look around while you're walking to class/work/whatever. help that person who spilled their lunch all over the floor and they are scrambling to pick it up. doesn't take much time. PEOPLE are way more important than anything on this earth. plain and simple. we are called to love those around us. and we hear that...but when do we ever act on it? what if one day you missed church because on the way you stopped to help someone change a flat tire? what's more important in that moment? thats for you to decide. but i can't get any of this out of my head. and sure there are many times where i will just pass by something or someone because i'm not paying attention or because i'm in too much of a hurry. so slow down. (i say this to myself as well). please.


wait...

and then..

so..i'm not very good with keepng up with blog as i'm sure i've said before. but i'm workin on it. i've been home a little longer and am still working on how to incorporate all the things i've learned into every day tasks. i've gotten much better at confrontation, even if people initially dont respond well to it. i now have a job which helps pay my bills but i'd love to find something i could do with music since that is my overall passion. nothing much has been happening..so not much to report. but will write more later. peace.

much love.

well...hello there.

Hey! So...i started fresh, new. I needed a new space and I like this website better than the other I was using before. So I want to use this as a way for people to keep up with me in everyday life and also to see what's going on with the amazing things God is doing.

I have been home for almost 3 months now and I still sometimes get frustrated with being in the good ol' US. Then on the other hand..at times it feels like I never left. That Africa was all a dream. Then I look down and see my mini tat on my wrist and know it wasnt. lol. So i've been just getting aclimated, I have a job now and prospects for starting my ministry growing. I have been struggling spiritually since I have been back and am working on making time with God the top priority. Here is a song that I love and really has helped me gain focus.

Check it out.

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

with Love..