for now.

..i find it very difficult to breathe sometimes. the very act of pulling air in my lungs and having it escape out can be exhausting. if i hold the air long enough it will scream for my attention, wanting to continue this process. but eventually it will continue..or cease completely. i cant hold it..waiting. life progresses on and so must I, whether i'm prepared to press on or not. so why, knowing this, do i continue to try and hold on, do i continue to gaze backwards? my heart fantasizes about the wind carrying me about, spinning me, pushing me this way and that. then my head reminds me that my feet are solidly on the ground waiting for the next breath. and each one reminding me of what i miss. for now.