isn't it funny

i've been in a lot of pain recently. many tests and needles(AHH!!) later, i'm in more pain than ever. it would be so easy to give up on my quest for health. to forget this diet, and any advice and just live how i want. it's very easy to get upset, depressed, frustrated with the situation. i've kept it in for so long, it would be very easy to explode out with all of the things i've been feeling. BUT in the midst of all the pain, confusion, anger, and chaos..i choose to be happy. now each day is different and I cant always claim that I have the best attitude all the time, that is impossible. but I choose love, joy, laughter. these things are what keep me going. I had one of my worst days (as far as pain) the other day, and surprisingly..it was one of the best days i've had. I was smiling throughout the whole day, giddy from pure joy. It was incredible. I'm sure God put it inside me and helped me get through that day. It was a very strange prospect. And as I talked to people I realized that yes taking care of me and my health is important. But connecting, loving, giving, Living..is more important. It's so cliche but I love the movie Wall-e. And one of my favorite quotes in that movie has stuck with me and become something i strive to do/be each day.

"i dont wanna survive, i wanna Live"

How will you "live" to-day?

beautiful

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted desperately for someone to find me and "work their magic on me," like in the movie Cineralla. It wasn't enough to be a "good person" you needed the beauty to go with it. I waited and waited for the day to come..but no such luck. It never came. I found myself despising the way I looked. I had huge glasses, a big nose, and a gangly body. It never occured to me, until much later, that I Was beautiful, just the way I was. I didnt have to have a "make-over" to make myself into what society tells me is beautiful. I already had the most amazing, talented, fashion designer craft me into existence with His bare hands. God created me the way I am. He formed every part of me. Who am I to say "Oops God, you messed. I'm not right"? Take a look in the mirror, dont compare yourself to anyone else..cuz no one else is there. Take a look at how beautifully, and skillfully God handcrafted you. You. are. beautiful.

rollercoaster.

my life is like a rollercoaster. since i've been home there have been so many twists and turns that i never expected. i have been extremely frustrated recently cuz of health issues, but even so..i cant let that get me down. i've got alot to do. i need to get going. i'm excited to see how things turn out but scared that i'll become complacent and stop listening. it is encouraging to know that even in the midst of all my confusion God knows exactly what's going on and exactly what i need. my problem is to stop long enough to listen. how many times do i just run thru my day and realize..i did absolutely nothing. well, i've gotta start somewhere and to-day seems like a good day to begin. i'm currently working on my "project"/ministry/company/whatever you wanna call it for my girls. I've got a website created and am working on pulling together my first weekend event. The website is: http://www.beautifulyounme.webs.com/ it is very bare right now, i need to find someone who can help me fill in the blanks and work on design. but it's a start. it's more than i had this morning. keep moving forward. i dont know where this rollercoaster will take me next, tears, laughter, frustration, but i know that where it takes me God is right by my side,

so bring it!