if i cant..

here's where my love crashed on the waves. rocked by the ocean. it spun into a hurricane causing confusion and panic to all around. before awkwardly settling into a single question. a question unable to be answered until the very moment the skies cleared. it seems ironic that once answered it started to rain. the tumulous current pulling me back under. i was dragged along the fixed coral which was unmoving, staring at the raw scene. right when i thought my lungs would burst from the pain rising in my chest my head cleared the surface. unable to locate familiar landmarks i looked up at the sky and saw crystal blue. it was almost as if i was upsidedown and the ocean was above me while i was in the clouds. the sight was intoxicating, wondering what reality was. curious as to what would befall if the sky and ocean started to converge. if i cant swim to the shore i might not survive, but who wants to sit casually on the shore, watching all of the waves play tauntingly with the rocks, all the wonders underneath surface waiting to be discovered..this is right where i'm supposed to be.

please..

i wrote this a year ago and went back to read it just now. God definitely showed me amazing things during that time..and i needed to be reminded. Take a look..

sometimes i wish i didn't care for people as much as i do. it would be alot easier and call for alot less crying. lol but seriously this week i hear all these stories of broken people and it breaks my heart to hear. it encourages me to pray for those in and around me. you never know someone's story. i still go back to when i was blessed to be a small part of columbinus (the show) at Collin College. that has touched my life in a way that nothing else has. God really spoke to me through that experience. i would cry every night during the last scene. i would say to myself.."what if 1 person would have stepped out of their comfort zone and for a moment cared enough to reach out to those 2 boys? in a genuine, sincere, tangible way. would that have made a difference?" and obviously we can't live our lives in the past and what if's..but to live in the moment. to notice people. to slow down long enough to see what's going on around you. you could make a difference. you might never know you did. or maybe you will..i dunno. the sad thing is we are so focused on ME and MY PROBLEMS that we dont look around. we dont slow down. especially as americans we are always going. now i'm not even saying to give up things that you are doing now (unless you need to). I'm saying its a mind switch. look around while you're walking to class/work/whatever. help that person who spilled their lunch all over the floor and they are scrambling to pick it up. doesn't take much time. PEOPLE are way more important than anything on this earth. plain and simple. we are called to love those around us. and we hear that...but when do we ever act on it? what if one day you missed church because on the way you stopped to help someone change a flat tire? what's more important in that moment? thats for you to decide. but i can't get any of this out of my head. and sure there are many times where i will just pass by something or someone because i'm not paying attention or because i'm in too much of a hurry. so slow down. (i say this to myself as well). please.


wait...

and then..

so..i'm not very good with keepng up with blog as i'm sure i've said before. but i'm workin on it. i've been home a little longer and am still working on how to incorporate all the things i've learned into every day tasks. i've gotten much better at confrontation, even if people initially dont respond well to it. i now have a job which helps pay my bills but i'd love to find something i could do with music since that is my overall passion. nothing much has been happening..so not much to report. but will write more later. peace.

much love.